The JAAT who sold his Bike

City of Joy

2007-02-23T21:03:00.000-08:00

These are the last few days of my 2 months stay at Kolkata – the city of joy. And it is ironic that I this is now when I realize that this indeed is a city of joy. It is the walk from the sutta shop to the guest house that I started to doubt the differences among humans. Is it just because of the better upbringing that I what I am today - my thought process, the fact that I can a gaming desktop replacement, the fact I know the difference between a laptop and a desktop replacement or am I just different (better?) than others – that I would have achieved all this even if I had to start from scratch. I am afraid that the latter is not true. This thought made me think about all the other people I went to school with. They were given the same choices but they made different decisions. Some are better off … most are not. Was I too malleable as a child that I wanted to achieve what my parents intended me too or was I a smart-kid who could understand why they wanted me to do so. I don’t know … there is a slim line. Given I choice I would want to make the exact same choice that I made. Suddenly this depressing town in brown and yellow is different. The cool breeze and beautiful evening is what I am seeing of it now. But the sad part is that in my case I know it would be an ephemeral moment and soon it would be the old depressing city. The city is dying. It is poor. There are people – a hell lot of them – who are living on streets with a 3 by 3 table for their bed. I was being selfish by looking at thing relatively. It is not about me. It is about all of us. I am no different to any of others. We all have our roots attached to this country and if we can’t feel proud about it I am afraid there is no cure for it. And the solution lies in the betterment of the standards of living: a home, food, clothes and basic amenities for everyone. This realization for me is the feeling of Joy. And somehow I know we can achieve it.

White light

2007-02-23T21:00:00.000-08:00

Picture a dark hall of a single bedroom flat in Kolkata lit only with the back light of a laptop and filled with trance music and a plasma ball dancing to its tune. Facing the laptop are two maroon-floral-print comfortable sofas where I sit with a friend from work. A couple of joints later we talk about life, happiness and contentment. I realize then that every one of us feels the same shit. It is just really the small difference that makes us apart. The source to that difference is innate to us. It is what you are. The first step is to be true to self, now that I think of it would also be the last step. Everything else will follow. But believe me it is not that easy.

FUCK YOU ALL

2006-11-15T12:23:00.000-08:00

Ever experienced something so out of this world that your mind goes blank and your eyes pop out and your jaw falls to the knees. I witnessed such an act of fucking genius yesterday on Sun TV. Yes Sun TV, It was 3 in the morning and I was flicking through the channels trying to get bored and sleep, Anyway, as I was saying ... it was 3 in the morning and Sun TV was showing a song in which a dwarf (male) and a 8 year boy was dancing and suddenly the 8 year old is all over the dwarf and the dwarf makes the most hideous 'orgasmic-delight' face I have seen in my life (and I have seen many). The dusky beauty secretly watching them from behind a coconut tree gives them the-disgusted-bloody-homos look but suddenly she wanders off to a parallel universe with her dream man (a black fat ugly mustached South Indian). Now the genius lies in the idea where every intimate scene from then on is shot between the dwarf and the 8 year old and the every dancing step between the girl and the black fat ugly South Indian. Shit, they even kissed and did skinny dipping. Yes the bloody dwarf and the 8 year old. Fuck the homo pedophilic motherfucker who thought of such an idea ... and fuck the motherfucker Sun TV for ruining my life. I am afraid to even close my eyes with the fear of scars it left to my sub-conscious. And fuck you all too who can still close your eyes and dream about jolies and bellucis of the world. Fuck you all.

Any doctors in house?

2006-08-06T09:54:00.000-07:00

They say (some site) that patients who are recovering from fracture should abstain from (Heavy?? I hope so) Drinking.

It this heavy drinking?

Date	Type	Quantity	Reason
		(ml)

07/07/06	BEER	650	World Cup
15/07/06	VODKA	60	Farewell
22/07/06	WINE	750	Sid
23/07/06	BEER	650	Junta
27/07/06	WISKEY	180	GMAT
29/07/06	BEER	975	Tauji's
06/08/06	BEER	650	Just like that

Comments would be highly appreciated.

KIDS!!

2006-08-06T03:03:00.000-07:00

Click to Enlarge. If you still can't read it then save the image and zoom in.
Worth the effort.

2006-08-04T04:24:00.000-07:00

I cannot work after having a chicken wrap and a pasta for lunch.

Is it over?

2006-07-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

hmm... Yes!

In contact with people with faces and names!

I give up!

2006-06-12T03:39:00.000-07:00

I had more than 100 unique hits on the blog in the past week. Still the post below could provoke only 2 comments. I am speechless. If these beauties can't attract commenter ... nothing I write can.

Anyway, check this out for more 'world cup strips'

Poland vs Ecuador!

2006-06-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

Vote now ... Poland Vs Ecuador (Don't forget to put in your score line)

PS: I had "The comment board is now open." before because I thought that there would be a rush of comments ... people fighting to put in their score line ... hoping to get a date with either of them. And I thought I would have to stop the voting sometime and give out the results. That was not the case!

Breaking News!

2006-06-05T06:44:00.000-07:00

With nothing much happening these days, NDTV is telling people that petrol prices is going to rise in near future. I don't know from where do they get these inside information. Beats me.

Now that they have do so already they go interviewing people about how they feel about it.

From Calcutta:
I am here to get my car tank full. I saw the news that the price was going to increase from tomorrow. So, I thought I should get my tank full today and at least save some money for a cup of coffee.

I am just wondering if the media people told him to say so. And also I was just wondering if the guy would be able to save enough money for a coffee. A tank-full car is heavier than a partially filled car and thus the mileage reduces. So, I am guessing not enough money for a coffee but sure a sutta and a chai at a local shop. Still, a paisa saved is a paisa earned. Well done, NDTV!

PS: I need to go out and stop watching NEWS channel all the day long. Soon!

Take this - sting operation suckers!

2006-05-31T05:30:00.000-07:00

It all began at Fortis Hospital. I had been screwed left, right and center. Seriously.

This is one of the screws taken out of my body today.

Anyway, I had been again given an anesthesia today. Only a small dose – just 10 mins. But after that I was again in a state of trace for some time. I went to a state when a Floyd song would have taken me to space. But all I could hear was mom, dad and all the uncles (doctors) talking. I told mom to leave as the noise was too loud for me. And they left, one of the doctor joking, “chalo, abhi to isse Pune ke ladkiyan dekhia de rahi hongi” (“Lets leave, right now he must be having hallucinations of girls in Pune”).

Here is why he might have said it:

Doctors are being warned about a bizarre but threatening phenomenon - that patients under anesthesia can experience vivid sexual dreams they believe are real.

Although rare, the strange effect has been documented since the discovery of anesthetizing drugs more than 150 years ago.

Just for the record – I was not. I just closed my eyes and enjoyed a state of complete relaxation.

What is weird is that I have had 3 anesthesias before this. (Curtsey: A foolish mistake 4 months ago.) Of which 2 were major. I mean I had painkiller in drips for 2 days. Even then floating in space was just a blink away. And my brother (Doctor) used to tell me how I would be hallucinating about naked, beautiful girls (Blondes, Indian, Asian, Brunette, Redhead …aah!) and me on a lonely island. Alas, all I could do was float in space at will. But I enjoyed it a lot. Doping Legally ... what's better.

So, all you pervert out there who are trying to slur my name. Take this:

I AM A MAN OF CHARACTER. AND I SHALL NOT DO WRONG EVEN IF YOU TRY TO DRUG ME.

Serious on-air time missed

2006-05-18T11:22:00.000-07:00

With the enormous coverage of Reservations and people getting so much of on-air time. I wish I should have been in Delhi. I mean if I went for one of the "aarakshand" (reservation, Yes! I have international readers who don't understand Hindi!) meet I would definitely get coverage... Because of my crutch and all. I even I everything planned ...

ME: (on air that is): Dekhiye (pointing towards my leg), ek galti sudharne mein aadmi to kitna time lagta hai. Yeh to ek accident hi tha perr iss bhi sudharne mein 4 mahine lag gaye hai. aur abhi tak bhi mein bena shayare ke nahin chal paa raha. Agar iss desh mein aarakshand aata hai to yeh bhi langda ho jaega aur bata nahin iss wapas aapne paaron perr khada hone mein kitna time lagega.

ME: (on air that is): See(pointing towards my leg), a small mistake take such a long time to mend. This was just an accident but still it has taken 4 months to recuperate. And still I use crutches to walk. If the government passes the reservation bill, the nation would also become handicapped and God knows how long it would take to stand on its feet again.

Melodramatic isn't it? I would have been a sure shot celebrity.

2006-05-15T13:10:00.000-07:00

I have tried the Garage thing. It does not help.

2006-05-09T10:37:00.000-07:00

Why do people blog?

It is a way to vent out emotions. It is a way to scourge for recognition. Is it to express - to give words to thoughts.

or is it just something to do when people are BORED?

PS: I am sorry that I do not goof up on a daily basis and last few days of my life have been rather simple.

While I am at it

2006-04-26T00:16:00.000-07:00

News Channels sucks donkey balls.
India TV can lick my black ass.

Mom and Hollywood

2006-04-26T00:13:00.000-07:00

My Mom hates Hollywood. Period.

O.K, to give you a little background, I must tell you about the equation I share with my mom. She has a mind of her own. Strong Opinions – carefully made – rarely wrong - that’s mom. She had tried to inculcate that in me. Only I stopped at the mind-of-my-own part. And I now have too much of that. I am detached. I don’t have opinion on anything. Why do you think with so much happening, brother in arm etc, I am still blogging about my personal life?

Anyway, as I was saying I don’t have opinion on most things. I debate for the away team. Because there is no fun if you actually agree.

You: This is good.

ME: Yes, it is.

You: umm.. aaa

Me: umm .. aaa J

End of conversation. No Fun.

Now that you know I would tell you about the shortest conversation I have had with my mom.

As I said. She hates Hollywood. She says – “I can’t relate with the characters, their faces are emotionless - flushed, they throw things away when in distress, they shout, nothing ... eeeee just nothing is in them to which I can relate eeee “

OK OK

I made her watch The Beautiful Mind long time ago. She liked it.

Now I am home after a long time. And with so much of advocates & advocacy coming on TV these days I thought I would be good to watch The Devil’s Advocate (DA). I had seen it a long time ago and don’t remember any bit of it. But I thought it would be about some advocates who go like – “My client is under shock, mental shock. This shooting was not planned. It was a spur of the moment.”

I wonder. So there are people who carry their guns everywhere they go. (Nothing intended – not even pun)

So, here we are – my mom & me and The Devil’s Advocate. And so it starts.

It starts with a courtroom hearing of a child molester.

*Eyes wide* we can get past this. We have gone past MMSes and even discussed the moral thread of society. This is just one of those things.

DA: “…I was confused and he just kept on -- with his hand -- moving it -- under my dress -- higher and higher...”

*Please don’t… Please don’t describe what he did.*

*Don’t look at mom* *cool* *cool* *say something* *say anything*

DA: “Is this game sexual in nature?

(Pause)

Is this game SEXUAL in nature?”

o oh!

I keep looking at TV in a blasé manner. And the bloody Devil’s advocate keeps going. They are now pouring tequilas. This could not be good.

This is no dance - It a drunken attempt at something to do with lowe-making - Very distastefully done as they say in Bollywood. Please stop biting her ear Kevin she is on the phone.

O Oh!

End of story. I switch off the movie. Tell her I would watch it later. Nothing is said. Everything is understood. If you have to watch these semi-nude piece of art / good movie (as you say) watch it at your own time. Tch tch.

She goes of to her clinic. I switch to Eric Cartman for support.

“Aye monkey, bad monkey.” – Smack on the head.

The only consolation is that there are people who have gone beyond me. ;)

Another operation - Another Article

2006-02-21T22:19:00.000-08:00

Well as it seems my creative grey cells only when I am in tragedy. These conditions make me take up paper and pen and jot down something otherwise who's into books and literature when you pay for 50 channels on TV.

Anyway, this is that sort of a situtaion. Hopefully, the last of these sort of things - some of my skin was compromised, had to be peeled off, wafer-thin and transferred to a different area. Basically back to the days of completly shaven legs, three way holes on my arms, and the dilemna of whether to sleep straight and bear a stiff neck or to turn around a bear an abrazed leg.

Any answers to that one?

Well you think it over and get back to me ... while I catch some of 'mandira's noddle straps', king of queens and the man's world show.

@Fortis Hospital

2006-01-16T22:46:00.000-08:00

(With apologies to Fyodor Dostoevsky)

Gentleman, this text is about me. You might say that I am being selfish but you tell me what a great man can write about other than himself.

So they say. Thus, this is going to be my story. And you would have to read it just to be up to date with the literary world or otherwise you would feel incongruous when your friends discuss about ‘this great article’ by ‘this, some unknown IITian guy’.

I don’t want to make you smile. Don’t think that I am being wicked. No sir, this is not out of wickedness … but out of sheer misery. I am writing this text on some pad with a pen. I hate pad and pens – they don’t have spell checks. And anyway, who has the luxury of being wicked. Wickedness is a virtue of happy and a result of being in complete bliss.

I used to be wicked. I was also known as ‘Godfather with Indian balls’ to some. Life was peaceful. I was showing people their dreams and making them realize that they can achieve it. And I was getting my fun out of it. I was in complete bliss.

But then I met somebody. Somebody who was going to change my life forever. I met with an ACCIDENT. It changed my life. It gave me everything I always wanted. An AC Room, No work, 24 hr bell service. Well almost, all you had to do was to forget the fracture. But Alas! That is what makes it a prison. In prison guys run trying to protect their asses… In a hospital you pay people to insert tubes of compatible sizes in every hole you have on your body and when they run out of holes they make fresh ones on your arms. But all that had to be done to bring this exquisite piece of literature in existence.

You would say that I am being WICKED now. Yes sir, a little bit. But today is a great day. Today I was able to initiate my bowel movements again and thus produced crap. No not this piece of article. but REAL, ACTUAL SHIT. Now all I need to do is to ‘take a leak without a tube’ and then I would be alright … hopping around on one leg … and God willing on two legs soon.

Now Sir, Don’t think that I am being wicked again … Lets just say that you need to be an orthopedist patient to realize the TOP PRIORITIES in Life.

An Obscure Observation

2005-12-17T21:02:00.000-08:00

State: Nilanjan Sen irritated with the faint chanting of 'madhushala' by neeraj sharma in the background.

Anyway, that is not the observation.

I was reading Freakonomics and in the book the author compares two very different groups ... sumo wrestler with school teachers ... ku klux klans with real estate agents ... etc ... May be that is the unifying theme - relationship between Generally-Perceived-to-be- Unrelated-Groups

Anyway, the interesting part is that every time he has to acknowledge a community of normal people, who are cheating (ie, cheating school teachers, unethical real estate agents, etc) he does it by a FEMALE GENDER.

'A cheating teacher may tell herself that she is helping her students, but the fact is that she would appear far more concerned with helping herself.'

'The study found that an agent keeps her own house on the market an average ten extra days, waiting for a better offer, and sells ir for over 3 percent more than your home.'

Charming, huh?

Relief!

2005-12-07T02:55:00.000-08:00

aaah.. The fish isn't all that bad.. For it may never die of old age but then again its memory is ephemeral.

"Blessed are the forgetful for they get the better even of their blunders."

...

2005-12-03T09:47:00.001-08:00

let me write something before the 'zee germans take over' .. jhonny walker is not a german .. but will take over soon

bauhous ( i hope i have spelled it right) - burning from within .. is playing in the background..

listen to 'killer' and 'burning from the inside' .. will define a lot of you.. (esp the pseudo one.. who think their life is fucked up .. when it is better than most )

and now i am going..!

ooh... the fucking winamp played comfortably numb.. as if it knew..
Pink Floyd is God .. but then so is Metallica.. as according to my friend sen here . so is black sabbeth, iron maiden..

and somebody tell KK (German one) - to please make a band.. he rocks.. listen to flieg oder stirb if you can lay your hands on it

PS: This post and the previous post was written in an alcohol innervated state. I wanted to delete the previous post but now that it has 3 comments, so ... :D.

..

2005-12-03T09:47:00.000-08:00

In the sweet memory of bygone days ( A Poem)

2005-11-22T03:59:00.000-08:00

this is what you do .. when you have nothing to do..
creators: Neeraj Sharma & Shashank Chahar.

Chahar wo din yaar karo jab hum tum bench pe baithe the
Tum game pe game khelete the hum mail per mail pailte the
Chahar wo din yaad karo jab saath mei chai peete the
Tum milk ke jhaag udate thei hum illiachi chai sudakte the

Chahar wo din yaad karo jab hum tum TT khela kerte the
Tum shot pe shot udate the aur hum tumhare chakke chudate the
Chahar wo din yaad karo jab hum tum bandiya tapa kerte the
Tum bandi deekha kerte the aur hum figure analyse kerte thei

Abbe neeraj wo din beet gaye jab hum tum Raja hote the
Tum shaan se company aate the aur hum tumhare aate hi nikal jate the
Ab saala subah-suhah ghadi dekh kar nani humhe yaad aati hai
Saala 5 min late ho jae to phat ke haath mein aati hai

Ab swami hamara Raja hai .. Kuch na usko aata-jata hai
P2,p3 mein hi laga raheta hai
Per chahar wo din lautegei jab hum phir raja ho jayege
Tum UK ki laundiya pataoge hum USA mein nano bichayenge

Haan neeraj voh din aaenge .. haan neeraj voh din aaenge..
Aur aa ke insha-allah kabhi na jaenge

They killed the weekends... those bastards!

2005-11-11T05:19:00.000-08:00

.... Deleted all my previous post (only two) ...

what happens when THEY take away your weekends ?

1.) You republish your entire blog. (All the good knowledge wasted)

2.) You start looking for a new JOB >> A better, bigger one.. with lots of weekends

3.) Want to get back at THEM by being stoned at work.

4.) ALL OF THESE.

Shashank says: All of these, Period

... What do you say ?!